Posted 12:24 am Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Senior Center Drawing Older Lovebirds Together
By COSHANDRA DILLARD
Staff Writer
By 7:30 p.m. Friday, the lights were dimmed at the Tyler Senior Center and the lead singer of a local band was belting out Patsy Cline songs.
A few seniors tapped their feet as they sat in chairs along the perimeter of the room, but most scurried to the center of the dance floor, circling the room with their partner while doing a two-step.
It's a common scene every Friday night. Between 80 and 100 seniors attend the weekly dances. On this night, the center was enveloped in Valentine's Day-themed decor and couples filed in for the special event.
Kay Odom, supervisor at the center, said many of the seniors sometimes stumble upon a love connection. In the past few years, at least a dozen couples at the center have gotten married, engaged or began dating. Some had their wedding ceremonies at the facility. There are other couples who have met elsewhere, but come to the center together to keep excitement in their lives.
Mrs. Odom said the center provides a safe, welcoming environment to cultivate these relationships.
"Love is definitely in the air," she said. "These seniors are not sitting at home on their sofa living a sedentary life. They are coming out here. They're meeting new people, having a social life, having a social event and they are having a good time."
Second time around
When James, 89, and Emma Clayton, 78, met at the center in 1995, they had no idea they'd marry about a year later. Each were widowed -- both enjoyed long marriages.
"If someone had told me I would marry the second time in my life, I would have said no," Mrs. Clayton said, shaking her head.
Sixteen years after their initial encounter, they frequent the center's Friday night dances.
"I think you get out to come to a place like this because when you're by yourself you need other people and just good friendship," Mrs. Clayton said.
The two became fast friends after they danced with each other, but the future Mrs. Clayton wasn't the only one.
"I liked him, his personality. He had other girlfriends. There are 10 women to every man here," Mrs. Clayton laughed.
Another frequent dancer at the center, 67-year-old Carolyn Melton chimed in, "She busted all of that up. You put a stop to all that didn't you?"
Clayton, who is now living with Alzheimer's disease, was amused by the comment. Nonetheless, he said his wife was the right choice. There was also a bonus.
"She looked like a movie star to me," he said.
The Claytons, who wed at the Tyler Rose Garden Center, have four children between them and continue to enjoy each other's company at home and at the senior center.
"It's nice for older people to find someone to live with," Mrs. Clayton said. "It's not fun to live alone."
'There's no pressure to it'
After Paul Hutchison's wife passed away six years ago, he hardly left the house to socialize.
"For four and a half years I didn't leave the house," Hutchison said. "I had two daschunds. That was my family when my wife passed away."
Hutchison, 69, began dating Ms. Melton after meeting at a fitness facility in Whitehouse. They live in the same community, so he helps with things around her home.
"When I need something, I just pick up the phone and he'll be here in five minutes," Ms. Melton said. "We just enjoy each other's company."
She was able to get him out of the house and into the senior center. Until they met, Hutchison hadn't danced since the mid-1980s. Today, they are among the first couples through the door on Friday nights.
"I came here all of the time," Ms. Melton said. "I've been coming for the last seven years. We started dating in October 2010 and I brought him with me in October and we've been coming ever since."
Hutchinson and Ms. Melton, both widowed, say dating is simpler the second time around.
"There's no pressure to it," Hutchinson said.
Ms. Melton wasn't worried about dating at this stage in her life. In fact, she knew she'd meet someone special.
"If you're comfortable with it, go for it," she said.
Billie French, 82 and Brevard Cheek, 83, who met through mutual friends, also say dating as a senior is uncomplicated. Cheek is twice married and Ms. French had been widowed for 10 years. They didn't imagine dating in their 80s, let alone marrying again but the couple is now engaged.
"We found out we like the same things," Ms. French said. "I had been coming to the dances and he likes dancing, too. ... I just love it. It's good, clean fun."
They enjoy the senior center's weekly events and meeting at a Big Sandy dance hall on Monday nights. Having fun is not just for the young, Ms. French noted.
"Do everything you can, as often as you can," she said. "Just keep going."
'a joyful union'
Jim and Elaine Kinsel, of Lindale, celebrated 18 months of marriage last Friday. Dressed in black, they twirled around the dance floor at the senior center. Every day is like Valentine's Day to the couple, who seem smitten with each other.
"We had an agreement before we got married that we were going to spend the rest of our lives seeing who could outspoil the other one, and so far we're neck and neck," Mrs. Kinsel, 63, said.
Her husband, 71, responded, "God put us together and he has poured his blessings out on us. It's unbelievable."
The couple dated about 10 months after meeting at a Big Sandy venue. Kinsel's first wife died just seven months before they met. His family urged him to get out and attend a dance one night. He still wore his wedding ring and dating was furthest from his mind.
Likewise, if Mrs. Kinsel was to remarry one day, it would be following fervent prayer and an approval from God.
"Well, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, not looking for a husband and I'm sure not looking for someone to hook up with. I'm here to dance and have fun," Mrs. Kinsel said of how she felt the night she met her future husband.
"I really wasn't looking to get married. I really felt like I was going to finish my life alone." She added, "I kept him at arm's length because I wanted to make sure he was real. Men will tell you what they think you want to hear, but he turned out to be real."
Her husband, who is shy and subtle, said the first dance was a "wow," and he felt as though he'd been hit by lightening.
Mrs. Kinsel, said, "One of the things that drew me to him is that he came across as a gentleman. And he saw me as a lady."
It was important that her future husband shared her religious beliefs. He's the first man who could give her a definitive answer about his faith.
"He is without a doubt the kindest, sweetest, most loving, generous man I have ever met, ever known," she said.
Other women recognized that, the couple said. They say there was a long line of women waiting for him to take his wedding ring off.
"I had a freezer full of casserole," Kinsel said. "That's not even a joke. That's real."
Both had professional ballroom and country western dancing lessons. It's only natural that their Friday nights are spent at the Tyler Senior Center.
One night, Kinsel proposed there with three red roses: "One for yesterday, one for today and one for the rest of our lives," he said.
"I did it right," he exclaimed.
The couple likes playing jokes on each other and they dance anywhere they hear music, from retail and convenience stores to resale shops. The joy is simply a reflection of how they feel for one another.
"The richness that we felt when we married has continued to grow and it's just the most awesome thing," Kinsel said. ... "It's a joyful union."
