Hugh Neeld: The Curmudgeon Report

Since August is National Inventors Month (inventor of this observance unknown), I felt a column devoted to these special people would be appropriate.

Just think of all the things we now take for granted that at one time were either beyond imagining, or dismissed as a pipe dream. We owe a debt of gratitude to the inventors for their contributions to civilization, particularly those whose ideas were ridiculed in the beginning.

I was thinking the other day about the time I told my dad about a scene I’d witnessed in a Flash Gordon serial at the nearby theater we kids went to every Saturday. In the scene, Flash was talking to Earth from his spaceship on a device that showed the person he was speaking to on a small screen.

Dad dismissed the idea as far-fetched, and took the occasion to lecture me on the difference between fact and fantasy.

Then there was the time General Electric came to Fort Worth with their widely heralded Science Fair. I was in fifth grade and attended with my class. One of the scientific marvels demonstrated was an oven that cooked a sausage with sound waves. It wasn’t called a microwave, but that’s what it was. When I told Dad, he said such a novelty would never be of practical use. Vision was not my dad’s long suit, but neither has it ever been anybody else’s.

To illustrate, here are some choice predictions of the future (later laid to rest) that were made in the past:

Popular Mechanics, 1949: “Future computers may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall in 1957: “I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”

Western Union internal memo,1876: “This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.”

Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics at Yale University, 1929: “Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.”

Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind: “I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.”

Engineer at Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, commenting on the microchip, 1968: “But what is it good for?”

Charles Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Patent Office, 1899: “Everything that can be invented has been invented.”

In retrospect, my dad could have done a lot worse than missing the mark on TV and the microwave oven. He could have been responsible for the quote from H.M. Warner of Warner Brothers Studio in 1927, when he said, “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk, any way?”

So, for all those great inventors of the past, present and future, I say, Way to go, guys. Happy National Inventors Month!

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A question to ponder:

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste “funny”?

putterhugh@suddenlink.net

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Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.
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