Is It Just Me? We will be with you momentarily...

Published on Saturday, 5 October 2013 21:05 - Written by By Nelson Clyde

It’s hard to say how long the wait had been last Sunday when the news finally came.

We’re sorry, the support you requested is only available Monday through Friday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. mountain time.

My ear had gone to sleep and the phone had made it a little sweaty. The more I searched for solutions on chat forums and other pig trails of tech support it was starting to become clear I may not be able to even get a solution because the printer I bought might not be compatible with my Mac. Seriously? When did Macs not just seamlessly respond to whatever was plugged into them?

It all goes back to the death of Steve Jobs, if you ask me. With no one at Apple to scream at people like a raving lunatic the whole company seems to be on the verge of a meltdown.

As I began to ponder how much time in my life had been spent waiting on hold it struck me. Is it just me? Or is there a better way?

Aha. I’ve got it. What if I could give them a bill for the amount of time I spend on hold? Their superior technology already knows I am the ninth caller in the queue and that my wait time is expected to be approximately 14 minutes.

You have to wonder if their estimate is based solely on averages or if they have enough demographic and psychographic data from your phone number and the Google analytics the supercomputer spun out on you when you called to know how long it will take to solve your problem.

What if four of the people ahead of you in the line are computer illiterates (old(er)) or if one is just plain stupid. You begin to daydream about how to improve the system.

Surely they would get to me quicker if they had to pay me for waiting. It would truly motivate them to have world class customer service. Right? If the printer I bought should, in theory, work without a call to tech support and I paid $150 for it how much profit could they have in it? If they had to send me a $50 prepaid Visa card for my wait time it would be a real incentive for the product to be better and the need for tech support to be minimal.

Did Dante consider tech support when he wrote the Inferno? Talk about visionary.

I still haven’t made contact with the folks yet to get the new printer working on my wifi network and it will be tomorrow morning until they open again for my problem.

I wonder if they know when I will call?