Who is the man?
Why doesn’t anyone ever say they’re gonna stick to the woman? In these heady days of equality you would think such a thing would catch on,wouldn’t you?
We were talking about this the other day during lunch after my Valentine rant last week when Megan said she and her husband were with me over the duress of showing love on cue. She was the one who said they always wait until the day after Valentine’s just to stick it to the man. It sounds so militant, almost anarchic.
Nobody ever says they’re gonna stick it to the dog. This one is easy. People do say they are gonna go home and kick the dog because they know the dog will ultimately forgive them. But if you stuck it to the dog, that would be going too far.
Stick it to a cat and you’re sure to get your eyes scratched out or something worse. Cats are vindictive. They are like the mafia of the animal world. Stick it to a cat and you could find the head of a sparrow on the pillow next to you some night. It makes me shudder to think of it.
You can’t stick it to your kids because they ultimately have to take care of you when you get old. If you have enough kids you might get by with it a little but they could gang up on you and put you in a home with bad food and one board game.
The thing everyone should consider as well is if you felt romance about sticking it to the man in your youth what happens if you find yourself in the role of “the man” later in life? Something to ponder. All those hippies who reveled in the catchphrase are now the objects of their previous angst.
It seems the reasons we don’t stick it to the woman are pretty clear. Women don’t take kindly to being crossed but the real problem is they have not maintained an image of villainy equal to their male counterparts in the context of history. Sure there are plenty of treacherous womenfolk who merit our derision and disdain.
In sheer numbers the man has excelled in both incompetence and debauchery. One only has to look to Henry the 8th, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler or any litany of men meeting this test of deservedness.
Who was the first woman to come to mind for you? My Google search suggested Cleopatra, Ma Barker and Bonnie Parker. How about Lizzie Borden (And she was acquitted!) The problem is when you think of the word Ma don’t you just get a whiff of biscuits or cookies?
If you can’t think of anyone, don’t worry, it’s just one more reason to stick it to the man.
Have you stuck it to the man lately like my friend Megan and her husband did on their post-Valentine’s day celebration?
Send us your best stuff to “How I stuck it to the man” firstname.lastname@example.org or by mail at 410 W. Erwin St., Tyler, Texas 75702.
Any entries involving political races will be immediately disqualified unless they involve write-in candidates. Prizes may be awarded for originality and hubris.