Nelson Clyde's Is It Just Me: The beef of the day

Published on Saturday, 15 April 2017 13:04 - Written by NELSON CLYDE,

The beef of the day.

Sounds like a lunch special, doesn’t it?

Turns out, I have developed a capacity for either clumsiness or just downright occasional bad luck and it has turned into a bit of a spectator sport for my children.

I’m not sure where it started but, typically, it will be during a meal that a morsel of something will make its way off my fork or spoon and land somewhere and leave a mark, either noticeable or embarrassing, on my clothing.

I didn’t used to be so clumsy. There was a time in my life when I considered myself somewhat athletic. All evidence of such is completely gone the minute I start playing golf. This stands to get worse with age and the prospect of improvement is leaving me with a dilemma. Do I muscle it out so I can spend the time with my boys on the course or just go out there and watch them play. The latter could be more enjoyable for everyone and my back.

Back when Hollytree Country Club was in its infancy, in 1985, Golf Digest held a national competition to determine the worst avid golfer in America. The finalists for the contest were to play a round at the Tournament Players Course, Sawgrass. Can you imagine in this day and age of political correctness putting on such an event? The whole thing was well done and Tyler attorney Kelly Ireland was a finalist for the event. Ireland had a great sense of humor about the whole thing.

My klutziness usually involves food and many shirts in my closet have permanent stains as evidence. Fashion dictates I am ill-prepared to stuff a napkin in my collar or wear a lobster bib when I’m not eating lobster. To be honest, I find lobster really overrated.

Back to beefs. The kids have decided there is now a daily event/quota in my life. A few days ago, I was making myself a salad for lunch and putting a little jasmine rice on the bottom, and sure enough, I spilled a fair amount on the floor.

Jamie walked casually by and chuckled, “Well, I guess that was the beef of the day - at least you’ve got it out of the way…”

It pleases me immeasurably to be so entertaining.